I hope you find my soul
amongst the glowing fireflies
in the darkest of times
to lessen the heaviness
in your aching chest.
Let them show you the times
That we may drown in
Grave sorrow, and
Dance away in happiness,
As the violent tides recede
From the shore,
May it show your strength,
And readiness.
-C.M.
I never thought of sharing any of my poetry here because most of them I'm not proud of-- not because I'm embarrassed to share them, but because most of what I've written are quite heavy and triggering for some. This one in particular was written several months ago, when I was in a dark place in my life-- possibly one of the darkest. I thought I'd share this on here because I want to remember where I've been to where I am now. I want to remember how I felt at that moment in time and see where I go from there. I want to see progress in how I cope with issues in life and how I value my own self-worth.
You see, I've never been great at taking care of myself. I've always been somebody who helped out other people; gave friends and family advice. Whenever I had a problem or felt like the whole world was coming down on me, I never had the urge to go to someone for help for fear that I would be a burden. I guess I'm quite stubborn in that sense. I always liked fixing things myself; dealing with things on my own because I thought it'd be easier that way. It was less of a hassle.
But these couple of days, I've started to realize that it's important to have an outlet to your emotions; be it through writing prose or letting your feelings out to someone who is willing to listen. It's important to reflect upon yourself and realize that it's okay to share a part of yourself once in a while. So for those who are struggling, I hope you found this somewhat helpful. I hope you remind yourselves that you aren't a burden if you seek help. Your thoughts are important and your thoughts are valid.
That's all.
--xx, C
It's ok not to be ok...
ReplyDeleteWhen i was your age, di ako nagsasabi sa parents ko, gaya mo ayokong maging alalahanin pa nila ako. Lagi lang akong nananalangin. It really helped alot. Pero minsan need din natin pala magsabi sa taong mapagkakatiwalaan natin para lang mabawasan ang bigat. Tigas ulo nga rin daw ako hehe...
I had this suitor/admirer nung 1st yr college ako, marami siyang naibigay na letters and poems, galing nga, sa sobrang galing nahiya akong magresponse, english eh. Di naman ako fluent.☺ nakakainlove nga eh pero di ko sya jinowa, may rason pero yun ang fault ko di ko nasabi, di ako nakapagsorry. Sana masabi ko now sa knya na "hey kuya carlo, when i was in my toughest and darkest times in life, aside from prayers, yung mga letters mo nagbabalik ng pag asa at tiwala ko sa sarili ko, thank you sooooo much and pls do accept my sincerest apologies for hurting you". Sabi nya sa last letter nya sana raw in time malaman nya mga rason ko. Baka ito na yung in time kaso di naman ata sya active sa fb at messenger. Life....
Sensya ka na, dito ko pa naisipang mag emote. Thank you. Keep safe.